


Walk Alone

by maxiemoo01



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-01 17:30:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12709593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxiemoo01/pseuds/maxiemoo01
Summary: Dan gets in the habit of leaving when he needs his thoughts to leave him alone. But one day he's gone too early and for a little too long.





	Walk Alone

It was currently four am.

Dan wasn't sure why he was still awake or what he was doing, all he knew was he had a growing headache, likely due to his lack of sleep, and thoughts racing through his mind a mile per minute. 

They weren't nervous thoughts or stressed thoughts though, they were worse, his brain wouldn't shut up, it wouldn't leave him alone and he felt like he was going crazy every second he spent pacing this small room.

Dan couldn't escape his thoughts, no matter how hard he tried to, they didn't leave him, and he was going mad, he was actually going mad, he thought. 

Dan grew sick of his room finally deciding to leave, he grabbed his jacket and pulled it on, putting his keys and wallet in his pockets, slipping his shoes on after. 

He wanted to get away, and he didn't want anyone to come for him, so he left his phone on his night stand.

It was four thirty, the sun was slowly beginning to rise, the air was hazy and Dan was thinking he should turn around and get a thicker jacket, but decided against it and just started walking. He didn't know where he was going, but he knew he needed to get away. 

* * *

It was currently four thirty am.

Phil was awoken to the sound of the apartment door shutting, despite how quiet it sounded like it had tried to be it still woke him up. 

Phil quietly grabbed his phone and slipped his hand to grab the baseball bat he had stored under his bed. 

Dan usually made fun of him for it, but Phil was petty glad he had it right now. 

He quietly crept through the apartment, turning lights on as he went, hands prepared to press call on 999.

However nothing was out of place, there wasn't anything missing, and the door seemed to have been locked back. 

Phil slowly lowered the bat from where he had held it up. 

He let out a long sigh and ran a hangover his face before slowly walking over to Dans room, he gently knocked before pushing open the door. 

"Dan?" Phil asked, and his heart sunk when he saw Dan wasn't in bed. 

It was five am, Dans phone was on his nightstand, and Phil was stood in the doorway, panicking. 

* * *

 It was currently six am.

Dan had found himself in a book store, he wasn't one to read books often, sometimes his mom suggested one for him to read, sometimes he'd force himself to read the ones she had suggested.

This wasn't one of those times, instead Dan had found himself in the psychology section of the store, he was looking over so many books, and his head was still pounding, and he was sure he looked awful when a worker came up to him. 

"Can I help you sir?" Dan took a deep breath and shook his head. 

"No, I'm just looking. Thank you though." The man just gave a small nod before turning to walk off. 

"Wait!" Dan said, swallowing his pride. "Um..." he looked awkwardly at the poor worker, who looked like he just wanted to go home. "Do you know any good books about mental illness?" 

The guy raised an eyebrow before speaking. "Young adult section. There are quite a few, my younger sister has read quite a few and I've heard good things from her... Her favorite is It's kind of a funny story." The guy shrugged. "That's all I got for you."

Dan nodded. "Thank you." The guy just nodded and walked away again, Dan sighed, walking his way over to the young adult section.

He found the book easy enough, but soon came across two more he decided to pick up, highly illogical behavior, and Fangirl. 

It was seven am and Dan was sitting in a chair of the coffee shop he just got a drink from, a bag of books by his side, and it's kind of a funny story in his hands. 

* * *

It was currently seven thirty am.

Phil was beginning to panic, where the hell was Dan? What was he doing?

Phil didn't know but he was terrified, he didn't know if he should call 999 and report him missing or if he was just being paranoid. 

Phil decided the next best thing would be to call a friend, his mind reeled as he tried to think of someone to call.

Eventually Phil settled on calling Louise, and he hoped he didn't interrupt her morning. 

"Hello?" She asked, and Phil let out a sigh. 

"Louise." He said, cringing at how his voice cracked. 

"Are you okay Phil?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"Not really... Louise I'm worried about Dan. I woke up at four this morning cause the front door shut, I thought someone broke into the flat, I went to look around and found nothing and then went to see if Dan was awake and he wasn't there, he's been gone since sometime around four thirty and his phone is still here. I'm just really worried..."

 "Well this isn't the first time he's done this Phil, he's always okay later."

"I know... I know... But he's never left in the middle of the night like this, I'm really scared, it's almost been four hours Louise, I'm assuming he hasn't slept and I don't know where he could be at this point..."

"Have you tried twitter?" Phil raised an eyebrow. 

"What?" He asked, running a hand through his hair.  "I don't really have the time or mindset to look at twitter right now."

"No I mean... Looking at dans mentions, or searching his name, something. Someone has to have seen him right?" Phil shifted. 

"That's.. not a bad idea... Thank you Louise, I'll call you later if he's still not around okay?"

"Okay, keep me updated and let me know if I need to make a trip there okay?"

"I will, talk to you later Louise." Phil hung up and quickly grabbed his laptop. 

It was eight am, and Phil was searching twitter for any sign of Dans whereabouts. 

* * *

It was currently eight thirty am.

Dan had been in the same spot for an hour, reading this book, he was fully aware of the people giving him odd looks, this twenty four year old, reading a young adult novel looked kind of odd. 

He was aware of the stares he was getting, he was aware that a few of the teenage looking kids in the coffee job could be fans, but he just ignored them. 

He was very interested in this book, he was very interested in what was going on and he was quietly analyzing the way the boy was described. 

Dan rubbed his eyes and sat his book down for a moment, deciding to get another coffee. 

Someone tapped his shoulder as he stood in line and he looked around to see a young girl, maybe sixteen years old smiling at him. "Um, hi. You don't know me, obviously, but I really like your videos. And I was wondering if I could maybe get a picture?"

Dan gave her a small smile, he wasn't gonna be an ass to a fan, even if he just wanted to get his coffee and go back to his book. "Sure!" He smiled for the photo, and then handed the girl her phone back. She smiled, and thanked him before running off with a huge grin to what Dan assumed to be her parents. 

He gave them a small wave before he finally ordered his coffee and went back to reading his book quietly.

It was nine am, and that girl had just posted her photo with Dan on twitter. 

* * *

It was nine thirty am.

Phil's heart sunk when he refreshed the page and saw the girls post, Dan was okay, thank god. 

She had a picture with him, and a picture of him at his table, sipping coffee and reading. 

Phil didn't have time to question why the hell Dan was reading some book called it's kind of a funny story, all he cared about was that Dan was okay, though he looked quite shitty, he was okay, and alive. 

Phil quickly texted Louise and then grabbed his wallet and keys, leaving to find Dan and bring him home.

 It was ten am and Phil was set on bringing Dan home.

* * *

 It was currently ten thirty am. 

Dan was still quite into the book he was reading, he was on his third coffee, a double espresso this time. 

Dan didn't know what time it was, a simple look at the clock in the corner could easily answer that. but he didn't want to know, if he saw the time he would know how long he had been awake, he knew by now it had been over twenty four hours and he just couldn't be bothered to sleep or go home. 

Dans head snapped up when he heard the bell over the door ding, he had been paying close attention since the fan had spotted him earlier but no one seemed like they cared about him since.

Dan was quick to notice who was walking into the store though, it was Phil, and he was looking for Dan. 

Dan hid behind the pages of his book, hoping he didn't notice him, because he was content here, in the warmth with his book, he was almost done with it after all.

However that didn't work, and faster then Dan could recall Phil was wrapping his arms around him, face buried in his neck as he muttered about how worried he was. 

The warmth of Phil around him made Dan feel sleepy, and he realize just how tired he was, just how little sleep he had gotten the last week.

Everything seemed to be hazy from that moment, Dan was aware of them walking home, aware of the heavy bag in his hand, his head leaned on Phil's shoulder. 

He couldn't make out what Phil was saying as they walked home, but when he was there he dropped his bag, he collapsed on the couch and before Phil could say anything else he was out cold. 

It was eleven am, and Phil was just happy Dan was home.

* * *

It was currently twelve pm.

Phil was sat at the dining room table, staring at the books in front of him.

Of course he shouldn't snoop through Dan's stuff or question his purchases, but the books had a common theme, and Phil was beginning to worry.

Phil decided not to dwell on it too much, it was worrying, yes, but he would just have to wait for Dan to wake up to talk about what was going on.

it was twelve thirty, and Phil was far to worried to rest.

* * *

It was currently three pm.

Dan was sitting up, groaning as he rubbed sleep from his eyes.

He was a bit confused as to why he was asleep on the couch but then he remembered his whole deal, he slowly became aware of Phil sitting at the dining table, laptop in front of him and headphones in his ears. 

 Dan let himself look around the room for a moment before he slowly stood on shaky feet. 

He felt like he needed coffee, his head hurt and he was tired but he obviously needed to stay awake. 

He slowly stood and began to make his way to the kitchen, attempting to avoid Phil, which appearantly wasn't happening, as the moment he made the move to walk to the kitchen Phil's head shot up.

"Dan!" He said. "Wait, don't go." He rushed over, grabbing Dan's hand before he could get away. "We need to talk."

Dan raised an eyebrow to him. "Why? Whats there to talk about?" Dan pulled his hand away, crossing his arms over his chest defensively.

"Dan there's plenty to talk about... Will you just sit down please?" Dan rolled his eyes, sighing and sitting himself across from Phil.

"What Phil? There's really nothing to talk about here." Dan watched as Phil slowly slumped back down, he looked exhausted, his skin seemed paler then usually and he had purple bags under his eyes.

"Dan... I think you need help." Phil's voice was quiet, and based on his facial expression he was prepared to be yelled at. 

"Help? What the hell are you on about this time?" Dan only received a pointed look before Phil continued. 

"Listen Dan, you know just as well as I do what's going on isn't normal, have you seen your notes? Have you seen how much you've changed?" Phil's eyes travelled back to the laptop on the table.

 "Is that my fucking laptop? You went through my shit Phil?!" Dan pushed away from the table and stood, towering over Phil now. "You know how I feel about that! What the actual fuck?" Dan knew he should feel guilty as he watched Phil seem to curl in on himself. 

"You dont talk to me anymore Dan..." Phil's voice sounded small, and Dan knew even more he should feel guilty, but he just couldn't bring himself too be. "Dan I never know what's going on, I can't help you by myself anymore because you don't tell me when you feel bad... You dont listen to me when I try to help and..." Phil's moves were sudden, his hands slammed onto the table and he pushed himself up. 

"And I've had enough Dan! I feel so useless every time you walk out of this house without a word! And then I worry myself to death, and I can't so this anymore because I don't want to lose you but I'm beginning to lose myself." Phil's voice trailed off, and he slowly sunk down into his seat again, hands covering his face. 

Dan watched in silence as Phil's shoulders shook, he stayed quiet, Phil's sobs being the only thing to fill the room.

Slowly, Dan made his way over to Phil, gently resting his hand on his shoulder. "Phil..?"

Phil leaned himself into Dan, he was wreck. "Phil I... I didn't know, I..." he looked down at his hand on his shoulder before he gently took it away. "Ill get help Phil." He said softly, slowly kneeling down next to Phil. "I promise... I'll go make some calls now if you want just... Please, don't cry, I'm sorry." 

Dan could feel the lump in his throat and he slowly spoke again. "I'm sorry Phil, I didn't mean to make you feel this way."

Phil pulled his hands from  his face, taking a deep breath and looking at Dan. "We'll make it through this... I'm not gonna leave you, I promise." He slowly took Dan's hand, wiping his eyes with his other hand. "We'll be okay..."

* * *

"Phil!" Dan called, setting up the camera to face the stairwell. 

Phil's head poked out of the bedroom, not too far from the staircase. "Yes?" He asked, chuckling. 

"Get in here and help me you spork." He chuckled, making sure the camera was in the right place. Phil grinned, walking over to him. 

"What this time?" He asked. "I already poured an empty smirnoff bottle filled with water on your head, what more could you need?" 

"Oh shut up, I'm making my depression video you know that, I just wanna make sure you can see me, so help me with it." Phil nodded. "Alright." Dan smiled at him, before he grabbed his phone. 

Dan walked himself down the stairs, sitting his phone down while flipping up his hood.

Once he went out of camera view he climbed back up, raising an eyebrow to Phil. "Look good?"

Phil nodded, smiling softly and letting out a small sigh. "I'm glad you don't just randomly leave anymore." Dan smiled, wrapping his arms around Phil's waist. 

"I am too, it wasn't that fun." He grinned, leaning down to press a kiss to Phil's forehead. 

"You are gross and sappy get away from me." Phil laughed, shoving Dan from him. 

"Rude, I didn't want your love anyway." Phil grinned, sticking his tongue out at Dan. 

"In all seriousness though, Dan?" Dan looked at him, letting out a small hum.

"I'm proud of you."

**Author's Note:**

> to be totally honest I've been working on this for like, what two months? I started it after Dan's depression video was published, I felt like it would be a good story, I'm not sure where it ended up going if I'm being totally honest but I'm quite proud of it. If you notice any mistakes please point them out to me! Ill gladly fix them!
> 
> Tumblr: heartsponge


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